I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks or however long it's been since I last blogged. Life has been good! I just moved out of my house this weekend into a house my best friend bought. There's three of us living there- Rissa, Bonnie (my brother's "widowed" girlfriend) and I. We've been waiting for months to move and it finally happened! At first I was incredibly stressed out, but once we really started moving my stuff and setting up my new room, excitement set in and I felt quite happy about the whole affair. There's still so much to do- there's boxes and just STUFF everywhere in the living room and kitchen. My room is pretty much all done though and it's so cute! I'll post pictures here when I get the curtains up :)
I can't remember if I told you guys, but I've been officially dating Ryan for about two weeks now. He's incredibly sweet to me and I have been freaking out less. Ever since we became official, I've become incredibly affectionate with him. I love cuddling and holding hands! We just kissed for the first time yesterday, and I'm still slightly freaked out by it as to be expected knowing me, but once I get over the fear of being completely inadequate at kissing I think I'll really enjoy it.
Eating disorder wise...I've been struggling less since I've known Ryan. Oh, I took a break from all therapy a few weeks ago. I don't think I'm going back. I am sooo much happier not going to therapy. I think I've been going for so long, it's lost it's affectiveness. Maybe if I'm not doing so hot, I'll go back, but for now I'm doing pretty good. I've gotten purging down to only 3-4 days per week, and only 1-2 per day. This might seem like a lot of behaviors to some people but believe me, it is a VAST improvement!!! I've been eating regularly as well and not skipping meals except once or twice a week. I can't wait till I get to the point where I have aboslutely no behaviors, or even just one a week. That would be a dream come true! I think the more I start to believe Ryan when he says I'm beautiful and worth something, the less I hate my body and want to do it harm.
SO there's a summary of my life currently. I'll write more later when I get the chance :) Much love to all of you!
Lovely to hear from you! Good luck with the rest of unpacking x
ReplyDeleteThat's great! Best wishes and stay positive! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear things are going well and so happy for you and ryan (: be careful though with not doing therapy...you are having behaviors weekly, dont let ED take over. You have come so far...dont want to see you backslide..
ReplyDeleteI am SO glad to hear you are doing better and seeing an improvement within yourself. And it is absolutely wonderful that Ryan is helping, but please please please be careful not to tie in your recovery with male affection. Just be aware of that, is all. Congratulations on doing well, meeting someone great, and making positive changes :) :)
ReplyDeleteAwwww this makes me happy somehow. ^^ It's great to hear that you're doing really good! Hope you can keep up the improvements and just enjoy everything else thats happening to you right now. :)
ReplyDeleteYour beautiful, and I'm so happy that you found a good guy to share your happiness with
ReplyDeleteY O U R means your (possession)
DeleteYou're means you are
IDIOT!!
What a completely pathetic and inane comment! IGNORE!! Lovely to hear life is going well. Enjoy your new freedom and kiss goodbye to ED! All the best
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you! Its really great to hear that you've meet such a wonderful guy. I just want to caution you (b/c I've seen this happen with friends) not to rest everything in Ryan. He sounds like a great guy, but you don't want your happiness, confidence, etc to hinge on one person. IF you guys were to break up (not something people like to think about, but reality is that is does happen sometimes even if we dont think it will), you don't want to completely crash emotionally and behaviorwise. You have to be able to pick yourself up and find your happiness and confidence in yourself and other things as well. That being said, I am incrediably happy for you, and I think it is wonderful that you are feeling comfortable and happier with him! You most definitely should feel that way with someone you are dating, just make sure you can find happiness and comfort in other peices of life as well.
ReplyDeleteVery well said(: i also agree completely
DeleteSo happy for you! I've always thought it was a boy that would make me want to become "normal" also (recover). So I'm so happy it's happening (or at least starting to happen) for you =]
ReplyDeleteaww, Rae. I'm so happy for you. I am just worried about you quitting treatment...make sure that Ryan isn't your only source of support...because having things change based on one person can be dangerous... just be careful. I <3 you and am so glad you're doing well! :)
ReplyDeleteI came across this blog and all I have to say is..wow! I love your story! Reading everything and especially the part about your new boyfriend made me smile:)
ReplyDeleteI've been doing alot of research on eating disorders for my health class and I came across this. Let me just say Im so glad I did! Keep up the progress you have made!! Im so happy for you! I wish the best for you!
(Also if you could reply to this it would be helpful for my project)
I'm just now seeing this. I hope your project is coming along! If you're not already done with it, I'd be happy to help you in whatever way I can. You can email me at raganmae@gmail.com
DeleteHi Rae,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today, and have read through some of your posts. I'm glad to see you're making it through it! I've known several girls who have had eating disorders and were able to become healthy and love themselves for who they are and what they look like. I'm very encouraged by your blog to hear that there are still people getting better and doing well! I actually wrote a paper about what causes eating disorders and it's crazy how many things can play into the cause of an eating disorder. I hope that you're still doing well, and that you're still making progress. I know you can do it! keep it up!
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ReplyDelete