I haven't purged. This is difficult. I want to purge but I don't want to be in the cycle of purging. I can tell myself, just this once, but I know I can't even give in just ONCE. That's not how it works. So I'm sitting here on my bed, feeling incredibly full and uncomfortable, and distracting myself by blogging here.
Now that I think about it, I know why I wanted to binge and purge. It wasn't out of ravenous hunger. It was an emotional reason- I'm meeting Ryan for coffee in a couple of hours. It's easier for me to run away and every cell in my body is screaming it. I suppose it was a way to deal with those uncomfortable feelings.
Just thought I'd check in. I'm doing well otherwise. I haven't had any behaviors in 7 days. I did have a regretful night I'm so ashamed about, I won't even write about it here. I've only told Andi and that's the only person who is ever going to know. I feel horrible about it and just want to forget.
I completely understand that feeling, I'm trying to recover now but it's so difficult to change that pattern, I think if nobody had found out about it I would never had realised I even had a problem in the first place.
ReplyDeleteReading your blog you seem to be doing really well, hopefully I can be as strong as you eventually.
I've started a blog too if you're interested in checking it out or giving me any advice on how you've got through it all.
thatcanofworms.blogspot.co.uk
oh bless, forgiveness is such a great thing especially for ones own self. <3 my thoughts and prayers to ya
ReplyDeleteI'm guilty of doing this, too. I feel your pain and understand. Forgive yourself, it'll be alright.<3
ReplyDeleteHi. That feeling is just like hell. Did you manage not to purge? How did you feel the rest of the day? Good luck !!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand that cycle, its so easy to say just once, but it never is your right. whenever i slip i try to avoid solids, im scared to eat just because im scared of the need to purge feeling and not being strong enough to say no. Stay Strong <3
ReplyDeleteI've never purged,but i binge ALL THE TIME. and i hate it, I'm usually already full but food it always on my mind. I usually don't eat much during the day and then at night pig out. But it get worse, i even wake upin the middle of the night and go upstairs and eat! I don't know hot to stop, and no one knows about it but i kinda wish they did because then maybe they could help. I used to be anorexic...but now its the complete opposite. I'm always so uncomfortable, and i just need someone to help me stop because i can't do it alone. I can't.
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