Smoke and Mirrors

Ok, I read the blog I just posted and realized my thinking at the end of it was so eating disordered. I'm feeling stubborn today. I don't want to admit I have a problem, but I can't completely fool myself. Just wanted to let you guys know I'm aware of how I sound and I'm taking it into account. I'll be pondering it tonight and what needs to happen so I don't find myself in a deeper hole.

My new favorite song is Smoke and Mirrors by Gotye. Pretty much says exactly what I'm feeling right now.


"Smoke And Mirrors"

You're a fraud and you know it
But it's too good to throw it all away
Anyone would do the same
You've got 'em going
And you're careful not to show it
Sometimes you even fool yourself a bit
It's like magic
But it's always been a smoke and mirrors game
Anyone would do the same

So now that you've arrived well you wonder
What is it that you've done to make the grade
And should you do the same?
(Is that too easy?)
Are you only trying to please them
(Will they see then?)
You're desperate to deliver
Anything that could give you
A sense of reassurance
When you look in the mirror

Such highs and lows
You put on quite a show
All these highs and lows
And you're never really sure
What you do it for
Well do you even want to know?
You put on quite a show

(Mother)
Are you watching?
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)

You're a fraud and you know it
And every night and day you take the stage
And it always entertains
You're giving pleasure
And that's admirable, you tell yourself
And so you'd gladly sell yourself
To others

(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?

Such highs and lows
You put on quite a show
All these highs and lows
And you're never really sure
What you do it for
Well do you even want to know?
Yeah you put on quite a show