It's the weekend again! I ran out of my seroquel meds so last night I took ambien instead. My body didn't like this change apparently, because I slept four hours and woke up at 2am wide awake. Other than a rough night, I'm doing good. I cleaned the kitchen this morning, replied to some messages, and cleaned up my room. I'm planning on going on a walk later too, though I'm feeling pretty lazy right now.
I'm supposed to go to the store in a bit too. I need some things and my mom has a list for me too. It's weird. I love going to the grocery store. I love surrounding myself with food, reading labels, looking at the rows and rows of different brands of the same product. I like seeing all the other people at the grocery store because I feel like I'm less alone in my obsession. Inside I'm thinking, "Look! We have something in common! You're thinking about food right now too!"
I keep seeing women who are obviously struggling with an eating disorder. No, I'm not making assumptions based on their size. It's like people with eating disorders have this built in radar and can sense when another ED person is nearby. Our eyes meet and there's this unspoken understanding. We're fascinated by each other while at the same time a little uncomfortable that even though nothing is said aloud, someone else knows your secret and you know theres.
At least that's my take on it.
I feel like that sometimes, I do like going to the store too. And I love wacting the food network its like a comfort thing but then also its not a comfort. Will for me, I love thinking of food ideas and what would be good but I never eat them but I love thinking about how to make them and see others make food.
ReplyDeleteI am actually in the middle of blogging about grocery stores as I read this ;) I absolutely LOVE going to the grocery store as well, and for me, it is sort of a "food porn"-esque experience. Not only getting the food I want, but searching out all of the new foods that I can find and being absurdly excited to buy them, and often leaving them sitting in the cupboard for weeks, for fear that they will trigger a bp.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the ED-radar, I feel like mine goes wild in grocery stores, especially places like TJs and Whole Foods. You can almost feel people looking at you, and you glance up, and they quickly look away...and you just "know."