Is it bad I hate how much I love food? I mean, what did food ever do to me?
Is it really food that I hate? Or is it the way my eating disorder distorts my perception of food?
I'm obviously in quite the mood to ponder.
I wonder when I'll finally be free of this strange conflict always raging in my head. When food will just be food- nourishment, fuel, something to savor and enjoy.
What is the week to week plan with your therapist? I mean is it focused on a CBT type thing at the moment so you can rationalise the ED thoughts? Then you'll have the head space to deal with any traumas or more emotional things? I don't know. Just try not to beat yourself up too much. x
ReplyDeleteII actually love food. I may not be at a weight that's too low for my body... but I do... So I "get" this... I think part of it is getting over the guilty or shame... partly for eating... partly for allowing yourself to have something you like. such as those chocolate chip pancakes.
ReplyDeleteI think everything takes time. I think the shift back into being able to love something AND allow yourself to enjoy it is a gradual one... a gradual shift that you should treat yourself gently during.
Srry 4 the EXSTREAMLY late post but I have 2 say that photo makes me shutter and drool at the same time.(but mostly shutter, at least that's what Ana tells me) stay strong
ReplyDelete