I was SO STRESSED OUT about what to wear. I made a not so great decision to get on the scale in the morning and I KNEW I had gained some weight this week from eating more normally, but seeing the number there wasn't conducive to recovery. I didn't really have anything to wear I felt good in- I felt all flabby and fat and I thought feeling so shitty might ruin the fun night we had planned. BUT Rissa brought 13 dresses and 7 pairs of shoes to try on! I found an outfit I felt comfortable in and that made a world of difference!
The party itself was held in the biggest ballroom at The Davenport and it was beautiful! It was so fun to see everyone looking all fancy! I mean, we're used to seeing each other in scrubs and caps. I hardly recognized some people, they looked so different. We had a sit-down dinner and free wine which was lovely. We had a yummy salad with mandarins and a poppy-seed dressing and bread rolls for the appetizer. Rissa and I ordered the vegetarian penne pasta dish. I didn't really like the pasta and Rissa didn't like the veggies (artichokes, mushrooms, and asparagus) so I ate all her veggies too and she had my pasta. Dessert was this chocolate raspberry cake thing.
The best part was how happy everyone was and the dancing we had after dinner! Some people got sooo drunk, it was really funny to watch them act so ridiculous. Rissa and I danced and it was fun to let loose. I was dancing with Dr. Lin, Dr. Reynolds...people who are usually so serious but definitely not on the dance floor. Watching them dance will change the way I look at them forever! I will say my dress kept falling off when we were dancing so I was continuously pulling it up, but I don't think anyone cared.
Looking back at pictures now, I hate the way I look- I can SEE the weight gain, but I suppose the important part was I felt pretty last night. I'll just have to hold onto that feeling :)
I didn't get wasted or anything, had a couple glasses of wine, but I definitely have a headache this morning. I'm drinking lots of gatorade G2 at the moment. Rissa is still asleep and she'll sleep for several more hours I think. So now I'm just blogging :) We're having a late brunch here and checking out late at 2pm so no rush. Overall- a successful night out! I'm glad I didn't stay home, though the anxiety of being social and food made the thought quite tempting.
Glad you had such a nice night, the place looks amazing- as do both your dresses! I know it probably won't make much difference but I can't see the weight gain at all, its probably the body dysmorphia more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you took a risk and overcame the anxiety. In my opinion, carrying on with as many non-ED things as you can is really important to recovery. Hopefully one day you'll look back at these pictures and think (as the rest of us do) 'wow, I looked lovely that night!' and remember what a good time you had.
Take care of yourself,
Meena xx
(Oh, and also, I posted my first YT video, the link is on my blog if you want to have a look!)
You look really good!!! Its a good thing, that you didnt let Ana stop you from having a good night :)
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, i cant see any weight gain? You have a really good body! Nothing to be ashamed for. :)
This makes me sad because you look like you have lost a lot of weight since leaving treatment. In your pictures and videos from during and right after treatment you look so beautiful and ALIVE. Of course, beauty isn't skin deep, and you are a beautiful person no matter what...but I guess I just wish you could see that you are underweight, but I know it's hard. I've watched your videos and followed you blog for a while, and I'm always rooting for you. I do believe that recovery is very possible for you. It will happen when you are ready.
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