Thursday, March 3, 2011


I can hardly believe it's been almost a month since my last post. It's not like nothing has been happening. I'm 99% sure my pro zac isn't working. I've constantly been having really low lows. That ED voice is overwhelming. Sometimes I just curl up and try to block it out. Sounds so pathetic, doesn't it?

I woke up a bit ago at 3am with a stuffed nose, sore throat, and itchy eyes. I'm still a bit surprised how quickly this cold or whatever it is hit me. I usually have a day or two of forewarning, where I can tell I'm getting a bug. I suppose my immune system isn't in tip top shape when I'm so malnutritioned and such.

I'm not really losing weight right now, but I'm looking more emanciated.

I just started a new therapy group tonight. I think it'll be good though I'm slightly triggered by the fact there's other girls my age, around my size or much smaller. My competitive side wants to "play the game" with them and I have to stop my thoughts from going there.

I'm many random thoughts. I can't think straight enough to make a good blog. I really don't feel like I'm altogether here at present. I just figured I should at least write something, though poorly written, since it's been far too long. I'll try to make a more comprehensive blog when I'm not feeling so out of it.

Hope you're all doing well.


  1. Sweetie, you can do this. I'm so glad you joined a group, I went to a session a month ago but found I took nothing from it. But what I did find about myself is that, looking around at the other girls that hadn't quiet reached the stage I had, I was so happy I wasn't still in that place. Realize that when your "ED eyes" see people doing better, in reality, -you're- the one closer to your goal. -You're- doing better than they are. Not to say look down on people, but knowing that you're doing better at something gives you the same boost as the other competitive thoughts.

    You really need to up your food to get rid of your cold thing. It can get a lot worse, especially when you can actually tell, when your immune system's down. -I- believe you can be well again, don't let me down, okay? ^.^

  2. hello.
    I have seen the videos that are up on your youtube channel. all of these are really heartbreaking but at the same time it's encouraged me to get back to who I was before also. the reason I say this is because I have had an issues with eating since last year I suppose.

    I can be 100 percent cure if you will take a look at this comment and respond but I'm glad if we can be friends? I'm your age too so there must be something we have in common.

    you can email here anytime!

    this is my blog well it's only tumblr but you can see what I look like at least.

    ugh I feel like a freak but..oh well lol