Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Distractions (not the good kind)

Silence. I'm usually texting a few different friends everyday, but for the past week my phone has been silent. My self-confidence isn't hurt by this, quite the contrary. Social lives ebb and flow depending on what's going on in everyone's lives. It's just weird though, to have this silence. To SIT in the silence. For once, all my close friends are doing great. I'm not helping them sort through whatever mess they've found themselves entangled in.

It's made me realize how much I use other people's problems to distract me from my own. There's so many thoughts and feelings I actually NEED to think through, but I'm doing whatever I can to distract myself because thinking about those feelings is too scary.

There's a confrontation, a long emotionally painful discussion, I've been waiting to have for ten years with someone. It's happening next week. I know I need to sort through my thoughts and feelings before I walk into this, but I can't seem to focus on it long enough. I don't want to feel. 

So, since no one seems to have any pressing matters in need of my opinion and support, I've had to rely on Grey's Anatomy marathons and Facebook stalking to occupy my time.

Sunday. Sunday I'll think about it. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey. Since following your videos and blog for a while, I guess I have a hunch what are you talking about.

    I just wanted to show some support and let you know, I can relate totally with distracting myself with other people's problems.

    Right now, I'm alone for a week and I find it scary to fill out my time without harming myself, although it's going good.

    Just, hold on, I'll be really thinking about you and I actually think it's a great thing, what you are about to do, it'll give you so much healing and closure, that'll enable you to let go and move on with your life. You're an amazing girl and you deserve this. You also deserve to spend time on yourself and you deserve this opportunity to focus on your scars and your problems.

    I know you don't want to feel, because it's scary, but maybe it's time to rely on your friends for once and let them help you and support you, like you've been there for them all along. Even if you don't want to talk to them about the issue it self, let them know, you're in a vulnerable place, let them in and spend time with them. It's not against rules to make THEIR phones ring :)

    Take care!