Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Post Vacation Update

I haven't wrote a blog for quite a long time. I hate it when so much time has passed and so much has happened. It's a bit overwhelming to tackle all that's happened in a simple post.

I went on a two week vacation! We were in San Diego for five days. My dad spoke at a conference down there. I didn't really have any responsibilities so I just kind of did what I wanted to do, which mostly consisted of laying in a hammock by the pool all day long :) Maybe a Starbucks run here and there too ;)

Then we were in Anaheim for five days. We got four days park hopper passes for Disneyland and California Adventure! My dad was like a little kid there. I think seeing his excitement over every little detail was the best part of the trip. We were going going going every day!!! Constantly moving from 5am to 11pm. I felt bad the first two days because I knew my dad expected me to be able to keep up with them now that I'm in "recovery" and thirty pounds heavier than last year's disastrous failure of a trip to Disney. He finally got it though and I'm thankful for that because I needed him to understand I was pushing myself to the max.

We were in Bend/Sunriver, Oregon for five days too. My cousin got married! I absolutely love her! We are very much alike and we've always had that connection. I was able to get a pedicure and manicure with all the girls (bridesmaids and girl cousins), be at the rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, brunch, and of course the wedding. It was a little overwhelming though. I mean, for two weeks I was NEVER alone. I kind of had a breakdown after the wedding during the dinner. Never being alone for an introvert who NEEDS alone time to recharge IS BAD NEWS. Needless to say, I loved the trip but am glad I'm home!!

Food during the trip was actually not that big of a problem. I was expecting to freak out and not be able to handle eating out for every meal, but somehow I managed and didn't binge or purge for 16 days!!! woot woot!! The night I had that panic attack at the wedding was the first time over two weeks that I purged.

I'm happy about that beautiful victory. It was a great accomplishment for me, since 6 days behavior free (not inpatient) was my previous record in over two years.

Coming back to the reality of work and normal day life was like taking an ice bath. Shocking. My anxiety came flooding back and the last three days have been filled with bingeing and purging. My throat hurts, I have sores in my mouth- I DID NOT miss it!!! I need to figure this out stat because I don't want to go back to living like this- it's not living at all.


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  2. I'm glad you have rested on your holiday. It sounds like you have an amazing spirit and a determination to succeed in life. Keep that positive attitude and when things are tough, dig deeper and you'll make it in the end. There will be ups and downs along the way but as long as you don't let yourself give in, you'll find that without realising it, you'll have beaten this truly awful Illness.

    Wishing you lots of happiness
    S x

  3. Hi! I'm the one who wrote you the comment about the Gwyneth Olwyn website a while ago and I just wanted to say, tomorrow marks my fourth complete week of NO restricting and NO purging, eating well over 3,000 calories every day (REACTIVE eating, not bingeing!) and staying sedentary. I'm sore from the oedema (present and necessary for tissue repair) and I do have days where I struggle, but nobody said recovery is easy and I regret nothing. I'm more mentally-alert. I have more strength and energy. I am learning to really enjoy food. When you think about all of the damage that your ED has inflicted on your body (muscle atrophy, electrolyte and hormone imbalances, weakening bones; ETC, ETC, ETC), your body will continue sending you into a "bingeing" rampage until the calorie deficit is corrected so your body can repair itself. I cannot tell you, straight up, that this will definitely fix all of your problems regarding your ED, but I refuse to sit back and read that you are still struggling without offering you advice and support. Gwyneth recently posted a playlist/video compilation onto Youtube with clips of her explaining more about the research behind "her" theory for recovery, and I encourage you to take a look at them and see what you think: You are way to beautiful and precious to continue struggling.


  4. I'm glad you had such a great trip!!!!! You were able to go a long time without behaviors. You can totally do that again :)

  5. Just found your blog and I love it.