Sunday, June 24, 2012

It's Vacay Time!

Friday was my last day of work for two weeks! I'm going on vacation on Monday with my family and I am so incredibly excited. I won't lie, I have loads of anxiety of traveling which is funny because I'm a seasoned traveller. Early monday morning, we're driving eight hours to Oregon, flying to LA, and then driving for San Diego. My dad is speaking at a conference there, so for the first week of vacation, I'll be chilling by the pool doing absolutely nothing. Then we're driving back up to Orange County and spending four days at Disneyland, THE HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD! Then we're flying back to Oregon and staying at Sunriver Resort for my cousin's wedding. 

My anxiety is about all the things that could go wrong. The car breaking down and missing our flight. Car accident. Plane crashing. I'm disaster conscious, but that's what Xanax is for, right?

I've gone three days with no behaviors which is GREAT! Mentally I'm struggling. I feel so large and wobbly. I'm hyper sensitive to when my skin is touching skin- forearm to bicep, thigh to thigh. Every bump aka curve of my body I'm painfully aware of and to be honest, I really hate it. But I have motivation. I need to be well for this trip and I don't want to be sick. I don't want to purge. I won't even let it be an option in my head. 

I woke up early this morning and made vegan banana muffins which were DELICIOUS. I know my friend Andi has been having a rough time lately and she's been wanting to try this recipe so I dropped by her work and brought her two muffins :) I spent most the day running around doing errands and got to chat with the lovely Kristie for a good long while. I really really love that girl! My grandma came over and in grandma Wilson fashion, bought three different neck pillows for me because she's worried about my neck on the trip (I was in a minor car accident about a month ago). OH YEAH! My 15 year old brother got back from his white water rafting trip in the Grand Canyon. I swear he got bigger on this trip. He's growing up and it's so weird sometimes. He got me a bracelet in AZ which I love. He was so cute- he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him today so we ended up watching John Carter tonight. Brother-sister bonding time!

Anyways, I better go to bed but I just wanted to update all of you lovely people on my life. I've been meaning to blog more often, so I'll be trying to keep this blog updated. I'll prob make a YT vid tomorrow too because there's some things I've been wanting to talk about and sometimes it's so much better on video rather than written form.


  1. Enjoy your vacation with your family!! I wish you that everything goes well, food, family, traveling and especially no anxiety.

    Your video on youtube was too funny, the song I mean. You're such an awesome person. You have an amazing personality <3

  2. Hey Rae I follow you on YouTube aswell and your videos keep me feeling not alone. You inspire me! I hope you have a great vacay with the fam bam and its mostly anxiety and behavior free! I have a blog aswell that I just started at you could read it id you want :/ have a great day and ill be praying for ya!

  3. Hope you're enjoying your trip and that ED's not been on your back whining at you much. There's nothing like a bit of sunshine and relaxation to make life more smiley :) Can't wait to see your pics :)

  4. just came across you / your story last night and it makes me feel less alone. thank you and keep fighting <3

  5. Hey there,
    I've been watching your videos for a while and I find them really inspiring and interesting. I love your honesty and commitment to getting better. I really relate to how you feel, especially about sinking into bulimia after recovery as I did that. I have recovered pretty much completely (though obviously still have hang ups and unhappiness here and there, especially about body image but also about ability to do other things, worthiness etc...). I'm 22 and just finished 4 years in College, 2 of which i spent binge purging and 2 of which i spent recovering. I'd love to help you, if you have any questions about the second part of recovery, learning how to enjoy food etc, even though you seem on the right track- would love to just hear from you if you want a pen pal- I live in the UK, whereabouts did you go for your year abroad?
    All the very best,

  6. How was your vacation?! I hope you'll update soon :) Hope you are well and had a good time!