I haven't purged. This is difficult. I want to purge but I don't want to be in the cycle of purging. I can tell myself, just this once, but I know I can't even give in just ONCE. That's not how it works. So I'm sitting here on my bed, feeling incredibly full and uncomfortable, and distracting myself by blogging here.
Now that I think about it, I know why I wanted to binge and purge. It wasn't out of ravenous hunger. It was an emotional reason- I'm meeting Ryan for coffee in a couple of hours. It's easier for me to run away and every cell in my body is screaming it. I suppose it was a way to deal with those uncomfortable feelings.
Just thought I'd check in. I'm doing well otherwise. I haven't had any behaviors in 7 days. I did have a regretful night I'm so ashamed about, I won't even write about it here. I've only told Andi and that's the only person who is ever going to know. I feel horrible about it and just want to forget.