Hello my peeps! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend :) Mine was sure a busy one. We left early Friday morning for an 8-9hr drive down to Oregon. I drugged myself with Xanax so I don't remember most of that part haha. My parents dropped me off at the church and Rissa and I ran around helping Emilie and her bridal party with whatever they needed. We got them cheese,meat and crackers and I made them kale smoothies. I thought it didn't taste that great but they loved them so whatever! I aim to please ;)
The wedding was beautiful. Emilie looked stunning! The reception was a lot of fun too. I got to see a bunch of family and friends I haven't seen in awhile. I felt pretty too :) I know this sounds weird, but I actually got a lot of attention from guys and it didn't creep me out like it usually does. I actually enjoyed it! Which brings me to a topic I'm going to have to write about semperately sometime- sexual desire and eating disorders. I lost all sexual desire when I relapsed and I would say, for the first time in a long time, those feelings are coming back- STRONG. It's a bit overwhelming. Do people feel like this all the time? The thought of holding hands or kissing or even sex doesn't repel me anymore. I DESIRE it, which is a new experience for me.
I helped pack up all the presents, drive them to Emilie's apartment, and unload them. Rissa and I were so tired and hungry by then. We drove by McDonalds and I got french fries and two apple pies. This set the tone for the rest of the weekend with my food choices. To be honest, I purged this weekend...a good deal too. I was eating a lot of foods I don't normally eat. I didn't purge every time, but I did more often than not.
The next day, we had the Oregon Ducks football game! I've never been to a football game. At first, I was miserable. We had to walk far, I wasn't feeling well from purging breakfast twice that morning, and my anxiety level was at a 10 because I hate crowds- especially rowdy drunk men. But I got food into me that I kept- curly fries and a churro a bit late- nothing healthy since football games have nothing to offer other than grease, meat and fat. I loosened up and enjoyed the game a bit more once all my family got there. I love hanging out with my cousins so that was fun!
I got to enjoy a coffee date with my Ashley who is going to college in Eugene. LOVE HER! We got to chat about boy problems and eating disorder struggles and victories.
That night, we went to my cousin Collett's house and had dinner and leftover wedding cake with all the family. I primarily hung out with my little cousins and talked about superheroes and princesses all night.
I met someone at breakfast in the hotel the Sunday morning. I'm pretty sure she has an eating disorder too, though I don't think she considers herself eating disordered. We had a really nice chat all morning and exchanged information. She seems like a worthwhile, intelligent woman I'd like to get to know!
The drive back took FOREVER and it didn't help that I got sick. Eugene has kombucha on tap at gas stations which I got WAY too excited about! I drank 24oz of kombucha in under an hour and I ended up throwing up lunch shortly after. It felt so nice to get home. Overall, I'm glad I went.
This next week is going to be CRAZY BUSY! Andi's wedding is this weekend and everyday I have things planned. I won't have any free time and I'm stressing out a bit. I am planning on being behavior free this entire week and truth is, I'm doing it mostly for Andi. I don't need her worrying about me. This week is all about her!!!