My thoughts and feelings of late confound me. They're mixed and matched, contradicting and conflicting. It's easier to not feel or think. It's more desirable to lose myself in numbness and pretend this part of me does not exist.
How does a slight touch send electric shocks through my body, leaving my senses sizzling and heightened? Am I okay with this? Is it a bad feeling or a good feeling?
In a moment of blunt honesty, I voiced the truth about the current state of my eating disorder. Hearing it outloud and confessing it to another human being made reality more tangible. I feel heavy. Though I strongly desire to stop therapy sessions and other eating disorder related appointments, my frequent behaviors strongly suggest I'm not ready.
Yeats translates my current state of mind into a poetic form:
"Come away, O human child,
from the waters and the wild,
with a faery hand in hand,
for the world's more full of weeping
than you can understand."
If only I could escape with faeries. It paints a pretty picture :)