Thursday, January 13, 2011

In the Land of Limbo

I am tired. Recovering from an eating disorder is constantly fighting the voices in your head. I feel like I've been fighting for recovery and delving deep into the root issues of my ED for so long, and now I've come to the point where I'm tired of fighting it. It's too hard to fight. It's easier to give in.

I still have that number in my head, but I don't really feel the need or drive to reach it. It's not about weight anymore, though gaining weight is still quite frightening. I just...don't really care if I lose anymore. I just don't want to eat. If I eat, I purge.

I feel numb. I feel kind of lost and unsure of everything.

All I really know, is this isn't a fun place to be.


  1. Hang in there girl. I'm only just realizing how hard it all is, recovery i mean. But giving up is giving in to a lifetime of this. Keeping going opens up the opportunity for freedom and happiness. And there is such thing, it just takes patience, time and perseverance. Here for you anytime x

  2. *Hug* No Rae, you -can- do this. I know it's tiring, I know you just get fed up with the cycles and want to not bother but you must try. Please, Rae =/ I don't know the best way to go about not purging, maybe just realising that in the long run you feel worse for purging than you do eating, and if it isn't about the weight- why purge at all? Okay no, I know there's underlying emotions with it, but like I said, in the long run you know doing that feels awful and hurts you. Michelle's right, at least with trying you have a lot more options. I don't know if you've seen them, there's a whole load of recovery videos by WeRFrEDomFighters on youtube, they may help you. Please Rae, just keep going, you can get there. *hug*

  3. Hang in there babe- As i just said to you


    and yeah, this is so freaking hard. Just really please- hang in there. I worry about you and care a lot and you deserve to move forward.

    I want to just rip ED apart...even tho at the same time- it's too easy to listen to him

    you can do this. we all can