Eat purge eat purge...the cycle that never ends. Everytime I bend over the toilet I think to myself, "I don't want to do this." But I can't stop. Throat burning, head throbbing, and chest pounding, I'm a mess.
I wish people would stop offering me food. I don't need it, really. It's better this way, because if you give me food, yes I'll eat it but I'll throw it up too. I wish they'd just lock me up. I wish someone would save me from myself. I need an intervention because I'm killing myself and I don't want to.
I saw him this weekend...he was different towards me...distant and kind of mean. I wonder if he knows I finally told my parents what he did to me when we were teens. I have this illogical desire for him to like me and to treat me well. It hurts that he refuses to show me any form of affection, unless you can call mocking a form of affection. I wish it didn't hurt. I wish he'd just...say he was sorry for hurting me and taking control away from me, and love me like he should- like a cousin should. I hate it that he still has the power to hurt me.
I kind of want to cry.