Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Little Sunshine

FINALLY I have something cheerful to write about. I didn't binge or purge at all yesterday. First day being b/p free in at least a month! It was incredibly difficult and I came close to bingeing a few times, but somehow I made it through. I think it helped to have friends who were trying not to b/p and were successful as well. We kind of kept each other accountable, and this time it really worked.

I have yet to b/p today. But to be honest, I'm incredibly tempted. Partially because chocolate chip pancakes are sounding pretty delicious right now, and also because I'm home alone which makes it that much easier since there's no here to question my odd behaviour.

Hence, this blog. I'm doing anything to distract myself.

I had a doctor's appointment today and I suppose it went alright. Though my weight is at my lowest, my bloodwork was okay so that was a relief. He had me do an EKG. I had to put on one of those hospital gowns backwards and I felt irrationally promiscuous with it gaping open, revealing my pierced navel. What was even more embarrassing was the fact I had cuts all over the right side of my stomach and ribs. It was the outcome of feeling horrible after an insane b/p and was slightly ambien-induced. Note to self: Take ambien and go to bed IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise, hallucination will occur.

Anyways, the women doing my EKG was really professional and didn't ask any questions of the cuts or stare at them. I felt awkward enough being so naked in front of another person.

Well, I really can't get my mind off of those chocolate chip pancakes so I'm going to go read at Borders for a bit. I can't believe there's people out there who thinks this recovering thing is easy. It's not, and it pisses me off when people say, "Just eat." They say ignorance is bliss. I say it's just plain stupidity.


  1. hi! i found your blog a couple of days ago and read it all. i think you're great! congratulations on your b/p free day! :)
    trying to recover from an ED is like the most difficult thing i've ever tried to do. so yeah,plain stupidity. maybe ignorance!

    well,never mind, try to ignore them and just keep going!

  2. Ahhh! Rae congratulations!!!!! :) I'm really pleased for you!! :) Emma x

  3. I am -so- proud of you!! Ahhh *huggle* x3 This is really, really awesome. Now, keep going! x3

    You're another inspiration I'm adding to my list to help me through the day. The past couple of days have been tough, but it gives me such hope that you've started to turn things around, so can I! Eeee. Well done, sweet. :3 -You- should be incredibly proud of yourself. It's not easy in the slightest to do this, but here is proof you can.

  4. That's sooo great to her Rae!!! So proud of you. Keep taking it one day at a time sweetie!!