I find myself in this place again, hovering between being okay and not okay. Some days are great. I feel positive, loved, behavior-free, and it's beautiful. Other days I feel as if I'm lying on the bottom of the ocean floor, being crushed by the depth and darkness I find myself in. What I would give to not have these extreme highs and lows. Every word people say, every facial expression and every tone in their voice has me under a spell. People pleasing- that's what they call it- when your self worth is dependent on what other people think of you. How unreliable. People have differing opinions that also seem to change with the weather. In other words, I'm setting myself up for failure. I can't please everyone. I can't make everyone happy. Because everyone wants something different from me and they more often than not conflict with each other.
So what is the answer? Find who I am, who I want to be- no apologies? Is it weird that I find this concept terribly inconsiderate of other people and their needs?
Can I be more confusing??? I will ponder.