Saturday, December 4, 2010


I literally have five minutes before I need to leave for work. I don't know why I'm often inspired to make a video or write a blog right before work. Maybe because I feel stressed out before I have to work and this partially relieves that stress.

Food has become a permanant thread of thought in my mind and it stresses me out much more than anything else. Lately I feel like I can't get a handle on my food consumption. People offer me food I didn't plan to eat and because I find it incredibly difficult to say no to food offered to me, I eat it. Unplanned food consumption is increasingly stressful, especially lately.

So wish me luck at work today because it's an eight hour shift, surrounded by holiday goodies, and the cupcake lady is coming to visit and bring us treats of her own. Oh God, please help me because I already feel out of control and I'm not even there yet.


  1. I know how you feel about offered food. I had a friend who I've ended up..not necessarily avoiding, but not going to her house at least, because she had a phase of baking mania and made loads of fudge and peanut and chocolate cake bars and truffles and when I went to her house I had too much and made myself sick. ._. I'm not a b/p type person, so I know things can't be too well if I do that. It made me very anxious so I went all health freak but now I'm finding a balance.

    I also eat 'cause I associate it with making people happy, from my initial recovery, people looked so happy when I ate something, and I think that lingers in my head. But I know that it's not good to eat just to fill myself up. I know that rush of thinking "I can have whatever I want, muahahaha!" then the rush of "Oh god, it has to get out". That's all it is, adrenaline. I see it that so long as I don't get that first rush, I needn't bother with the second. If there's no frenzy at first, simply enjoy the food you've had and be proud of yourself for being..well..normal x3 x

  2. huh, that actually makes sense. There definitely is a frenzy at first, which almost always results in a purge for me. I'm going to try and do what you suggested and simply enjoy the food I've feels kind of impossible right now but it's something to work towards.

    uuggghhh those friends who love to bake goodies! You love them and hate them all at the same time. My mom is in that crazy baking phase right now too, so I can't even run away from it because it's in my own house.

    I'm glad you found a balance! That gives me hope.