Sunday, April 29, 2012

Detoxing from ED

I'm sorry I haven't been around much, on this blog or my youtube. I guess I just haven't felt like talking about things, especially eating disorder related topics. I had a rough few days and so starting Saturday, I began a three-day detox from Ed. haha :) seriously though!

I decided I'm not going to allow myself to exercise until I've been purge free for three consecutive days. I increased my calories because I know I wasn't getting enough, which was causing the bingeing/purging, self-hatred thoughts. It's crazy but I truly believe that played a big role in why the end of this week was so rough. A week and a half ago I got this idea that my body only REALLY needs x amount of calories, about 600-800 calories less than I've been eating for the past two months. After four days of lessening my caloric intake, I crashed. I haven't had urges to binge and purge and it hit me suddenly. I was so confused- why is this happening? It was only a few days ago I made the connection.

So I've increased my calories back to what I was eating before- and let me tell you, I'm full all the time, but that tells me I really did decrease my calories too much. I've been juicing with our juicer everyday and getting lots of nutrients!!! My favorite is 1 beet (including beet greens), 1 apple, 3-4 carrots, 2 celery stalks, 1/2 lime (without the rind), and a 1/2 inch fresh ginger. SO YUMMY!!!!!

I hate feeling full all the time and I really want to exercise NOW, but like I said- this is a detox from Ed. I'm eating every two hours, getting lots of nutrients, and I think this is what I need. If tomorrow goes as well as today and yesterday, than I can exercise on Tuesday! Some motivation ;)


  1. Wow! Freaking awesome!

    And HARD. I know how difficult it must be to Just Stop, but you seem to be going about it really logically. That is so hard to do when we're stuck in that way of thinking. Recognizing the reasons we're binging/purging (eating too little for too long is a big trigger for me too - I think, biologically, it is a trigger for most!) and then doing something about it - way to freaking go! Maybe I could try that. :-) You've inspired me, girl. Please let me know how it goes.

    I know I've had problems before, setting myself a 'target' (I won't throw up until X, I'll eat more for X amount of time) and then struggling again once I've reached that target. But now I'm thinking that each victory is worth celebrating. If I manage three days purge free - that is three more days than I might have managed!

    Thank you for your comment, by the way. I'm really bad about responding to comments - I'm sorry about that. I have so much trouble not panicking with weight gain, but I'm trying really hard to just let my body do its thaang and settle itself. You're right, though - I know it gets easier the longer I let myself sit with it.

    You're doing karate!? Yaaay! How long have you been> It sounds like you really like it! It seems that you either like it or hate it - if someone lasts through three lessons, we usually assume they're there to stay. Few people make it through three lessons. :-P It was SO out of my normal, when I started, but I'm so glad I stuck with it. Eventually my dojo was like my home, and karate is something I feel like I do very well. I don't have many things I can say that about! I'd love to hear more about your style of karate. I do (did?) shotokan, but I'd love to learn more about different styles. They all have something to give us.

    I loved karate, because it was something I could do alone, working hard to get the techniques perfect AND something that forced me to get more comfortable around others. Not to mention it helps you feel strong and capable. What about you?

  2. wow, huge respect for the effort you are putting into this! you're not just letting it slide but you go about it rationally, getting to the root of what is going on. I wish you well! And I hope you will be exercising again soon :)

    I've noticed the same with restricting. Whenever I fall into restricting, the first few days are no problem. I feel fine or even better and it encourages me to cut back even more. Then, suddenly, I totally crash, all my energy is gone and I feel awful, going through huge ups and downs.
    love xx