Sunday, April 1, 2012

Weight Restoration: I Am Not Alone

The weekend has been great so far! It started off kind of rough though. My weight Saturday morning depressed me. I feel as though it's happening too fast, this weight restoration thing. I'm not even eating more than 2000 calories and I'm gaining like I was inpatient, when I was eating 3500-4000 calories. It's confusing and scary and I feel so out of control. My friend Mo recently went through a similar situation during her weight restoration where she's been eating 1200-1500 calories and gaining 2-3 pounds a week. I texted her and she had some encouraging words for me I'd like to share with you:

Weight gain sucks. There are not if ands or buts about it. I can completely relate to the eating under 2000 calories for a month and gaining 10 lbs, shit. The truth is that if you are under your natural set point, your body remembers a time when it was most efficient and running the smoothest, and it will FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL to get you back into that range no matter how much or how little you feed it. I felt pissed. Pissed at the world. I almost felt like i was lied to. Everyone always said- "It takes atleast 3500 EXTRA calories to make ONE pound." Nope. They lied. That may be true for people once they are within their range, because it actually takes a hell of alot to get your body out of that range (higher OR lower). Like i said, it will fight tooth and nail to stay in that range. The reality is that if you give yourself even a small amount, it will naturally climb to reach where it is comfortable. I'm not saying this to scare you, or freak you out, im just being honest. On the bright side, i did have a realization though after thinking about your text.... Wether I give myself 2000 calories or stress and deprive myself and restrict down to 300- I gain weight. Before I thought, "So that means I really didn't need the 2000. The 1700 were just extra!" But thats not true. When i think about all the other functions my body does: walk, breathe, grow hair, erase the bags under my eyes, sleep, regulate my mood, etc. it was ALL easier on 2000. So if my weight does the same thing at 300 or 2000, but my body is happier at 2000.....why stress about sticking to the 300.

I don't know if that helped you at all..... I hope it did. As mean as it sounds, your struggle really did help open my eyes, and help me. Lol. I love you no matter your size, and I really can't stress how much you notice the weight more than anyone else. It's like my fucking pooch. I ONLY see that pooch on my tummy, but everyone else seems to ignore it's existance.... We use magnifying glasses to focus on our faults. If only I could have you look through the same magnifying glass at your fantastic beauty and amazing personality!!!

I know what you mean when you say, "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes" How about we trade eyes for awhile?

I honestly don't understand this whole weight restoration thing, but to have a friend who is experiencing the same thing I am is comforting. I know it won't last forever and it'll be okay. I've just got to trust my body that it knows what it's doing.


  1. She's so right. Weight gain aside, what she said about the "1700 being extra" - how we feel - is JUST that: how we FEEL. When I was IP, my dietician broke down the calorie requirements organ for organ, explained WHY a person needs at least 2000 calories a day. Each major organ in your body requires a certain amount of calories to keep functioning as it should on a day to day basis, and when she broke it down organ for organ, I seen the bigger picture of recovery a LOT better.

    It's good to have a friend who can walk through it with you. And no, you are NOT alone <3

  2. That is true. During the restoration phase, it is crazy. But, your body will reach a set point. It sucks, but it does settle. I am in the same phase as you. I am not longer eating the 3500+ like I was in inpatient (thank GOD!), but I find that I do gain even at 1700, when they want me around 2000. BTW, the "pooch" settles and redsitributes. Most weight gain does settle around the stomach in the beginning. They say that is to protect "vital organs" where we need it the most. That is common and normal with weight gain and restoration, but it will normal out and you will not notice it. How long does it take? It varies with everyone. You have a great attitute. Keep it up. I like your phrasing of everything. I have to keep reminding myself of what you said too. When I see a jump on the scale for eating 1700-1800, I am sooooo tempted to cut back, then I have to remind myself that it will happen if I cut back as well, that my body is just trying to heal. I might as well nourish and be healthy! Keep up the good work!

  3. I hate weight restoration, as much as the next person, however it is crucial to maintain a healthy and eating disorder free life.
    And yes that is exactly what my therapist said; about the weight gain. I notice my weight gain more than anyone else and I am the most hardest on myself. We just have to trust ourselves and our healthy bodies for what it is and be healthy.
    Much love.

  4. I'm having to restore weight at the moment and it sucks. I like to think of it as 'losing health problems' or 'leaving the risk zone' rather than 'gaining weight'. Think of all the physical (and mental) complications of being underweight, and under-eating to keep yourself there. There's a reason doctors worry! Every pound you gain brings you one step further away from danger, and towards health. :) xxx

  5. Thank you for this. Seriously what I needed to hear right now.