Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Woman's Body

For so long, I forced my body to fit into the mold of a young girl. No hips, no boobs, straight up and down. As I'm progressing in my recovery, I'm finding my body is fitting into a different mold- that of a woman. I have soft curves, hips and a waist, a butt, my boobs are still pretty non-existant but there's more there than before.

Six weeks ago, I would have been horrified by this body being my own. It looks great on others, but me? I didn't want to look like a woman. I didn't want attention, especially from men. I wanted to be looked at as a child- no expectations, no responsibilities, no romantic interest. I wanted to disappear- don't look at me. Don't notice I'm here. I'm not. I am small. I am weak. Don't expect anything of me.

Strangely enough, I'm finding myself feeling proud of my body. It's a weird feeling, this pride. I was proud of my child-like body too, but this woman's body seems more natural. I'm not forcing it. I'm letting my body be the shape it was created to be. Something feels so right about it.

I've gotten attention from guys lately. Flirting, checking me out...that didn't really happen in my anorexic body. I didn't WANT attention. But now I don't mind it. I think it's supposed to be this way.

I like this body, this me.


  1. You are so amazing. I am seeing so much growth in your post recently, and can also see how your self compassion is growing. I am so glad as I have always seen your beauty, and wanted to shake you and tell you to open your eyes! Now you are finally starting to open them yourself.

  2. Wow...that is so beautiful. I am so impressed with your ideas right now. There are many women older than you who have never had an eating disorder who cannot say what you just did.

  3. How awesome that you are feeling proud of your body. These changes look good on you. You are such a beautiful person, I am glad that you don't hate this healthier body.

  4. Wow, you sound so much calmer than you have before. This text is beautiful.

    'It looks great on others, but me?' --> I am telling myself the same thing all the time. You go girl ;) Keep strong

  5. i'm envious but proud of you.
    you are doing so well and I wish I could be the same. I have thought I was, but in reality I'm not, due to my therapist challenging me.
    I have been through the exact same things in terms of treatment as you, yet I think the problem with me is I don't have a good support system or friends to help me.

    but again, you are an inspiration. I hope I can get to where you are.