For so long, I forced my body to fit into the mold of a young girl. No hips, no boobs, straight up and down. As I'm progressing in my recovery, I'm finding my body is fitting into a different mold- that of a woman. I have soft curves, hips and a waist, a butt, my boobs are still pretty non-existant but there's more there than before.
Six weeks ago, I would have been horrified by this body being my own. It looks great on others, but me? I didn't want to look like a woman. I didn't want attention, especially from men. I wanted to be looked at as a child- no expectations, no responsibilities, no romantic interest. I wanted to disappear- don't look at me. Don't notice I'm here. I'm not. I am small. I am weak. Don't expect anything of me.
Strangely enough, I'm finding myself feeling proud of my body. It's a weird feeling, this pride. I was proud of my child-like body too, but this woman's body seems more natural. I'm not forcing it. I'm letting my body be the shape it was created to be. Something feels so right about it.
I've gotten attention from guys lately. Flirting, checking me out...that didn't really happen in my anorexic body. I didn't WANT attention. But now I don't mind it. I think it's supposed to be this way.
I like this body, this me.