I gained another pound. That makes nine pounds in the last month. It's hard to remind myself that I'm supposed to be gaining weight. I feel horrible. I want to freak out. I want to cut back. I want to harm myself. I want to be self-destructive. My emotions are everywhere. I hate this. I hate weight gain. I hate feeling the difference in my body.
Knowing these feelings won't last helps a bit, but right now it's hard to see past the numbers. I just needed to get it out. To say I'm not okay with it. I'll let it happen. I'll gain the weight until I'm weight restored. But I'm not happy about it. Not yet anyways.