Thursday, March 29, 2012

Trusting My Body

My body: That was a nice healthy meal! But I'm still hungry.
Me: No you're not. You're just being greedy. You don't need more food.
My body: Uh, yes I DO need more food. I'm trying to repair all the damage you've done and I need supplies for that. 
Me: I'm giving you four times more than I gave to you before- be happy with what you get! I'm sure you can manage with less. I don't want to get fat and if I give you more, I'm going to end up gaining too much weight.

I feel as though I'm stuck in this I-really-feel-uncomfortable-in-my-body mindset and difficult to break out of it. I had a lot of behaviors yesterday and purged once today. I think I've pinpointed the problem- I'm not letting myself eat the amount my body is asking of me. When I eat and am still hungry, I end up eating more and feeling guilty about it since it wasn't planned. Enters eating disorder behaviors.

Solution? Don't be so black and white! Listen to my body more. Trust my body. Easier said than done!!


  1. Put the hunger to the test!

    Eat your healthy meal as planned, then wait for 20 minutes. Does your body still feel hungry? If so, you can reason with yourself that your body DOES need the food, it IS legitimately asking for it, and it deserves to have it to repair itself from your ED!

    I've gone through this before! What helped me was incorporating a "planned seconds" INTO my plan! So on the days when my body was still crying out for more after 20 minutes, I could access this "planned seconds" without feeling like I was doing something completely horrible and greedy. And because it was planned, I made sure it contained foods that would help to fill me the rest of the way up without freaking me out about gaining too much weight too fast.

    It's all about balance; this foreign concept IS attainable. It will take some time, but you will get eventually get it, and you will love it. It is worth it. Don't let your day of behaviors set you back! You can and will conquer.

  2. I like your post. Honoring hunger is hard, especially during refeeding. When I went through refeeding during the summer at an inpatient program, it was crazy. I would get full then hungry. I did not know what to think. When I was hungry, I was scared. But then when I was full, all I wanted to do was purge because I felt so guilty because I associated the full feelings with a binge and "doing bad". I hated it. It is still struggle for me. I still have trouble trusting whether or not I have eaten too much. I am on a meal plan and it is hard. I think the above comment is very good. Eat your meal plan. Trust it. talk to your dietitian about being hungry and when you experience it. This is very normal with refeeding! Everyone experiences it. Your plan may need adjusting too. But after a wait period, if you are still hungry, honor it. Your metabolism is picking up (hypermetabolism occurs during this phase). It happens to repair the damage inside. It is working overdrive. You need more than you think. The hunger/fullness part is hard. I have asked my therapist many times when I will be able to trust my cues. He tells me it may be a while. I hate being on a meal plan, but it is safe and I need it. Just trust yours right now. If you are hungry after it. Honor the hunger. Work with your team. You are doing so great. One slip up does not take away from that progress.

  3. Yes it is easier said than done but you have to trust your body. I absolutely hate refeeding, and majority of the time I feel so awful and feel like giving up but I can't; it's not worth it. You will get through this <3.

  4. This should be a conversation between "My Body" and "My Eating Disorder" not "My Body" and "Me" because that's your ED talking all the way. You are so strong and doing so well. Keep it up.

  5. Given that you've just quadrupled the amount you give your body, I really don't find it at all surprising that your metabolism has woken up! It's perfectly normal to feel more hungry than you expect when you start eating a more reasonable amount, especially given that your body knows full well it needs to gain weight. Probably why it's so common for recovering anorexics to start bingeing; if you don't listen to your body, and don't feed it when it's hungry, you're only increasing the chances of it freaking out and pushing you into a binge. So eating a bit more after a meal might be scary, but surely not worse than a potential binge later in the day/week, right? Of course I agree with what the others have said about making sure you are hungry, and if you do all that and have verified that yes, you are definitely hungry, then that's your body asking you a question. Who's going to answer it, you or ED? xxx