I've been sick the past few days with an incredibly sore throat and drippy nose. Daily behaviors aka purging I'm sure doesn't help the matter. I've been unable to refrain from purging completely, but I have decreased the frequency and increased my calorie intake. Add in the fact I've been drinking emergen-c, airborne, and theraflu AND taking extra vitamins- I'm feeling much better!
Not feeling so good about body image. I know because of my increased calorie intake and generally how my body FEELS, my weight has gone up. I haven't stepped on the scale for days and I'm not so sure it would be a good idea when my recovery is in such a fragile state. Yes, things are improving but I definitely don't need anything to happen that might set me back!
Today was a lazy saturday. On my way to pick up my laptop, I dropped by Huckleberries, which is like Trader Joe's. Pretty much, it's a grocery store for health nuts, vegans, and organic people. I was only there to get one thing, but left with $50 worth of groceries. I'm not vegan (because I love yogurt and cheese), and I'm not really vegetarian (I like shrimp and chicken doesn't bother me too much), but I feel so much better about my body when I'm eating foods that aren't processed. I don't like all the added chemicals and crap that's in most our food. I'm actually proud of myself for walking out with so many groceries because it means I'm choosing to eat. I don't know how to explain that better but I wouldn't of gotten the food I did if I was planning on restricting. Part of me really wants to restrict too. Especially when I'm feeling...large.
My groceries: dried apricots, dried prunes, soy nuts, local raw honey, fresh almond butter, unsweetened almond milk, flax oatmeal, crisp bread, thai rice noodle soup, hot chocolate, greek yogurt
Of course, I felt anxiety from purchasing so much food, so I sat in my car for an hour taking an inventory of everything I bought and the amount of calories per serving. I also figured out how this food was going to fit into my meal plan for the next few days, which calmed me down a bit.
HAHA ok, so this man at the store walked up to me and said,"You look like a ballerina! You have such nice long legs, strong legs." I'm not sure what to make of such a random compliment, and whether to be flattered or offended.
SIDE NOTE: I've gotten terrible night sweats the past few nights! It makes sense, because I remember this happening in treatment when my calorie intake was increased. It has something to do with the metabolism speeding up so I suppose it's a good sign but can I just say I find waking up in the middle of the night DRENCHED in sweat annoying?!!