I wish I could write about how awesome I've been doing and how I'm in recovery and it's a beautiful thing. I wish I wouldn't let people down.
This weekend didn't go so well. I didn't enjoy any part of it, and my eating disorder ran rampant. It's to the point now where keeping anything down is a challenge. How did I get here again? I'm supposed to be living my life FREE of this disease.
I just want to curl into a ball and have someone stroke my hair and cuddle. I want to be told everything will be okay.
I think actually FEELING things on Thursday really freaked me out, because I've completely numbed myself ever since. If I begin feeling something at any moment, I'll use behaviors to numb out. Why is feeling things so scary??