What I can say though, is this situation has forced me to face confusing, conflicting emotions I've tried ignoring for years. Yesterday, the ball began rolling and in a couple weeks, I'll be face to face with a person who has deeply affected me, for the sole purpose of talking about those feelings and what occurred so long ago. I cried and cried last night after simply have a conversation over text with this person and I hated myself for it. I hate I feel hurt. I hate someone has the ability to affect me so deeply.
No tears today though. I have Tuesdays off so I met with Andi for coffee in the morning. She was the first person I ever confided in about this specific situation, so it was nice to talk to someone who has been there from the beginning.
I saw my dietician in the afternoon. She decided to weigh me, especially after I told her what an emotional roller coaster of a week it's been. YES, she weighs me backwards, but I somehow manage to get a glimpse of the number before she zeroes it out again. I was down a substantial amount from two weeks ago which I knew already. I know I need to get it together because I'm really dancing on the edge here. I can't afford the consequences of one misstep.