Sunday, January 8, 2012


Finally I'm home! I had a lovely time with Rissa today, with maybe one downer. We had brunch (aka breakfast/lunch/dinner) at the Davenport before we checked out. It's pretty expensive but you can go around and pick out all sorts of delicious things, plus you get bottomless mimosas and champaign! Can't beat that ;) However, I did NOT know it was buffet style (eat all you can). I don't know if I was really ready for that...

At first I was fine. I picked out the things I wanted to eat- these sweet potato tartlets, eggs benedict, a berry crepe, and fruit. But I was incredibly hungry since we didn't have brunch till 12:15pm. I kept trying other things because it all looked so good- a danish and pumpkin cheesecake...I suppose that's all I had the first go around and I should have been fine with it. I mean, yes it was a lot of food, but for breakfast/lunch, it wasn't a full out binge- the amount I ate was socially acceptable...

...but there was this middle-aged man watching us eat. I would feel someone's eyes on me, turn around and he'd be smiling at me. It kept happening throughout the meal- Rissa and I got the feeling he's a divorced man and was interested in us in a slightly creepy way. When he got up with his (son?) to leave, he stopped at our table and said, "I couldn't help but notice you girls are eating A LOT of food. I can't believe how much your eating." Rissa and I didn't know how to react so we just laughed and he left. We seriously hadn't eaten as much as other people around us, though we had been getting up a lot to go grab something else to try instead of making one big trip. Rissa is petite and maybe he considered me smallish too...maybe he didn't expect girls our size to eat so well? 

I HAVE NO IDEA but it bugged me. I mean, rich girls who frequent expensive hotels like the one we were at probably nibble on this and that. Rissa and I definitely WERE NOT NIBBLING. ANYWAYS, I ended up feeling so guilty, I excused myself to use the bathroom (purge). I came back and was going to try to stick to eating safe foods but then I was like, fuck it, I don't care anymore. So I ate A BUNCH- more sweet potato, eggs benedict, and four muffins. If I stuck to one or two muffins I think I could have kept it all, but the third and fourth were definitely in "binge-mode" for me.

I felt horrible for not keeping my food. I mean, I should be stronger than this, right? Why can't I be NORMAL. Rissa ate as much as I did, if not more, and kept all of it. Why couldn't I do that? Even if I ate too much, it's okay every now and then right? 

When I'm doing better in recovery, I would LOVE to go back and have their sunday brunch again and KEEP it. Another goal! I came home afterwards and ate food AND KEPT IT. I wanted to go on a walk because it's BEAUTIFUL and sunny outside today, but my feet hurt so bad from dancing all night in high heels. So I ended up watching Chopped on the food network and just chilling on the couch. Here's some pics from today! I hope you guys aren't too disappointed in me.

                     Rissa putting on her make-up :)                The view outside our window- my city!

                          I love my owl earrings!                         Not too bad of an outfit?

                     pretty flowers and pretty Rissy!                         

                 Keeping a brave face :/

                                                  The Lobby in The Davenport Hotel


  1. I cannot believe someone approached you to share such an ignorant comment. And I'm not disappointed in you at all! I admire that you are so honest and that you never give up. I watch your YT videos b/c I believe in you and you give me hope!

    Random side note, but I know how you aren't a fan of Tracey Gold and neither was I as I watched her on Starving Secrets, but have you seen her on Celebrity Wife Swap?(can be watched on My opinion of her is totally changed. After watching that, I think she's a wonderful person. Do you think you can watch it and post your opinion on a YT video? It would be interesting. My username is luckylisa44 (in case you're wondering)

  2. girl! i think you are amazing. i dont anyone who would judge you on the basis of one misstep. look at everything you accomplished this weekend and be proud of yourself! i know i am :)

  3. That guy is an idiot for making a comment like that. It annoys me because no matter what size someone is -- too small, too big, or of normal weight, noone knows what their story is and how badly they can affect you! Well done for going to brunch and having a successful day after, i'm really pleased for you! :) xo

  4. That was completely rude of that man to say such a thing! Some people have absolutely no sensors, and I too have to always remind myself to brush off snotty remarks like that. The important thing is that you sound willing to move on and continue with a positive attitude. Remember, not only is each day a new opprotunity to achieve your goals, but also each passing hour, minute, and second. I'm glad you had a good time overall, because you deserve it!

  5. How rude of that man to say something like that! I hate when people comment on how much people are eating, especially when someone has an ED. I know I can't expect them to know, but it's still ridiculous. Don't let it get you down. I'm glad you didn't.

  6. Comments like those are the BIGGEST trigger for me. I would have done the same thing you did....argh. Can't we just ENJOY food without being watched?

    Anyway, you did very well with all the weekend's events! Happy Monday!