Friday, January 13, 2012

Recharging and Romance

I'm so happy it's Friday :) Last weekend was the work party and night at the Davenport, so I felt like I never actually got to just rest. Going out every weekend drains me and being the introvert I am, I need alone time to recharge. I was planning for this weekend to be a "recharge weekend" but it seems I'm the only one who desires to do absolutely nothing. Rissa wants to go out to this concert tonight, my brother wants to play video games with me, my mom made plans for me to go see Beauty in the Beast with my little cousins in theaters on Saturday, church and small group on Sunday, and I just got a call from Bonnie about how we need to hang out this weekend ASAP.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY QUIET, DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WEEKEND?! I feel quite selfish and horrible for complaining about it, but I really need to recharge. I've noticed my eating disorder becomes louder when I don't recharge and it's been pretty loud all week. 

I almost want to check myself in to the hospital, get away from everyone AND my eating disorder, and just rest. Times like these are the only times being hospitalized is appealing.

Oh yeah, I keep having really intense dreams. Last night, it was all about romance and guys. In the dream, I was treated right by these gentlemanly guy friends of mine and they were so sweet! In the same dream, I went to the bathroom during a concert thing and my dead brother was worried about me because he had a feeling this one guy was up to no good. I ended up being molested by this guy. I get away but he comes back for me later in the dream. My good guy friends protect me from him though.

Weird, huh? Seems spot on though to what I believe about romance. There's wonderful nice guys, but there's also idiots who take advantage of you. I just stay away from romance so I won't have to deal with figuring it out. Probably not the best coping mechanism, and probably why I've never been on a real date.

1 comment:

  1. I am the same way with needing to recharge. Also I wanted to say that there are good guys out there who will treat you right. I know that it is hard to trust guys after what has happened to you but somehow it gets easier once you find the right guy. I found a guy who I am willing to give my love to (as much as I can while working on loving myself). I was raped so I know it is hard to trust but one day it will get easier and you will find that nice guy! I love you and I hope you get to recharge! Also I must say how much I love that you are blogging more about your life again! we all care for you!