Monday, January 23, 2012

PIZZA

I had an AMAZING weekend after Friday evening's fiasco. I really wanted to continue being behavior free into this new week. Alas, I was angry at a friend for making poor choices and then made my own poor choice by using bingeing/purging to express my anger. I completely regret doing it, especially at work, and especially because I started passing out while talking to a patient on the phone. NEW RULE: KEEP WORK BEHAVIOR-FREE.

Today was one of the surgeon's birthdays and bought chicago-style pizza for everyone. Yes, the doctors here buy pizza for us all the time. Since I was so rude to my body, I decided I'd punish my eating disorder (haha, that's right) by eating pizza for lunch *Ed screams in shock and fear*

Over a two-hour period of time, I ended up eating 3 1/2 pieces of this BBQ chicken pizza. THREE AND A HALF PIECES! O_o How the heck do I handle the fact that I over-ate and NOT have behaviors? I feel like I need to punish myself for eating so much.

Furthermore, my body is most definitely not used to this amount of food (staying in my body). Digesting is painful and now I regret eating so much. But you know what? I enjoyed it. I didn't need the last piece, but still, I ate, enjoyed the food, and kept it.

HOORAY!!

I'm going to Andi's house tonight and we're going to drink wine and chill. It'll be nice :) And I already explained to her the pizza situation and that I'm most likely not going to be eating too much for dinner tonight. It's good I can be real with her and not have to be anxious about being pressed to eat a large dinner.

Love you all. You're a great support and you guys makes me smile :)

1 comment:

  1. proud of you for eating the pizza and being behavior free! i know that is so tough to do! also, it's so great that you were able to say that you enjoyed the pizza and are able to tell the ed off a little bit ; ) recovery is a process, and it's the little things sometimes that make the biggest difference. the little things like eating pizza and telling the ed that you enjoyed, and keeping it down so the food can nourish and strengthen your body. Keep up the hard work!

    ReplyDelete