I had an AMAZING weekend after Friday evening's fiasco. I really wanted to continue being behavior free into this new week. Alas, I was angry at a friend for making poor choices and then made my own poor choice by using bingeing/purging to express my anger. I completely regret doing it, especially at work, and especially because I started passing out while talking to a patient on the phone. NEW RULE: KEEP WORK BEHAVIOR-FREE.
Today was one of the surgeon's birthdays and bought chicago-style pizza for everyone. Yes, the doctors here buy pizza for us all the time. Since I was so rude to my body, I decided I'd punish my eating disorder (haha, that's right) by eating pizza for lunch *Ed screams in shock and fear*
Over a two-hour period of time, I ended up eating 3 1/2 pieces of this BBQ chicken pizza. THREE AND A HALF PIECES! O_o How the heck do I handle the fact that I over-ate and NOT have behaviors? I feel like I need to punish myself for eating so much.
Furthermore, my body is most definitely not used to this amount of food (staying in my body). Digesting is painful and now I regret eating so much. But you know what? I enjoyed it. I didn't need the last piece, but still, I ate, enjoyed the food, and kept it.
I'm going to Andi's house tonight and we're going to drink wine and chill. It'll be nice :) And I already explained to her the pizza situation and that I'm most likely not going to be eating too much for dinner tonight. It's good I can be real with her and not have to be anxious about being pressed to eat a large dinner.
Love you all. You're a great support and you guys makes me smile :)