Sunday, January 29, 2012

Love/Hate Relationship With Food

The thing about food, is you can never get away from it. You'll need it eventually, you'll WANT it even. Despite how much I hate food and the struggle it creates within me, I can never completely divorce myself from it.

Is it bad I hate how much I love food? I mean, what did food ever do to me?

Is it really food that I hate? Or is it the way my eating disorder distorts my perception of food?

I'm obviously in quite the mood to ponder.

I wonder when I'll finally be free of this strange conflict always raging in my head. When food will just be food- nourishment, fuel, something to savor and enjoy.


  1. What is the week to week plan with your therapist? I mean is it focused on a CBT type thing at the moment so you can rationalise the ED thoughts? Then you'll have the head space to deal with any traumas or more emotional things? I don't know. Just try not to beat yourself up too much. x

  2. II actually love food. I may not be at a weight that's too low for my body... but I do... So I "get" this... I think part of it is getting over the guilty or shame... partly for eating... partly for allowing yourself to have something you like. such as those chocolate chip pancakes.

    I think everything takes time. I think the shift back into being able to love something AND allow yourself to enjoy it is a gradual one... a gradual shift that you should treat yourself gently during.

  3. Srry 4 the EXSTREAMLY late post but I have 2 say that photo makes me shutter and drool at the same time.(but mostly shutter, at least that's what Ana tells me) stay strong